so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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