am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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