i think my tv is drunk
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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