There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
