I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
