ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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