i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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