like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
