I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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