turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
