she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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