Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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