see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
