if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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