It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
