i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
