Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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