More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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