I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
