Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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