i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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