yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
