maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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