You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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