I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
