Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
