Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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