I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
