I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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