Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
