I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
