You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
