Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
