i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
