I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have aggressive nipples.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
