Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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