I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
