is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
