omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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