One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
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He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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