This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
