Nicole vs. Life
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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