; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
