If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
