Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
