And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
