So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
