something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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