i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
do nipples grow back?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
