she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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