We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
