Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
