woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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