I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
