I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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