somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
