i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
