your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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