i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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