you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
