sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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